Remember December

I woke up at 6am to see the sun hasn’t risen yet. I stretched and went to open the window to breathe fresh air. Hmmm winter. I always like the smell of winter. It smells sweet and…cool.

He he he…

I stretched a little bit more then proceed to the bathroom for my morning ritual. After 20 minutes inside the bathroom, I went out to go to my closet. I pulled about 6 of my thickest clothing inside it; I need very thick clothes because I wanted to hang-out at the park. I know my idea is stupid and suicidal, but it’s December 2, I need to be there.

As I was walking and singing and humming along my ‘December 2’ playlist, I thought of why I am still doing this. I’ve been doing this every year since I was 17, and now it’s been 5 years but and I’m still doing it.

I smile to myself as I thought of it. It’s not that I regret doing this every year (then get sick the day after), no it’s not. It’s just that I wonder why I keep doing this. Things will never be the same again, events can’t be restored. Only memories can be felt.

I arrived at my destination just on time: 6:45 am—not early, not late; just on time. I sat at our favorite bench and placed the chocolate cake (which I baked the night before) beside me. I turned my iPod off and again breathe the fresh air.

“Hi” I said as a cool wind blew past me. “I’m on time, right? I baked you your favorite chocolate cake; I’ll bring it to you later.

I’m sorry I went here first. You know how we love this place, right? Specially this bench. Hmmm… I miss you.”

I smiled and faced the sky. “I hope my time will come so that I can see you again. He he he, just joking. I still have to fulfill my promises to you.

I’m almost done fulfilling them. I’m going to graduate next year and I’m going to put up our dream business. I’m just going to cheat a little though; I asked my parents if they could lend me money and they agreed. Isn’t that great? *sigh* Why did you have to go? He he, I’m sorry if I ask you that each year. It’s just that, you’re unfair.”

I paused to wipe a tear falling down my cheeks. “You said we’ll make our dreams come true together. *sigh* Well, since you left, there is one dream we both know I can’t fulfill alone—our wedding. What happened to our marriage at the age of 25?”

I laughed. “Haay… Will you take me when I turn 25? I think I’ll be ready by then, and then we could get married up there, right?”

I glanced at my wrist watch: 7:05am. “Ooh, I gotta go. Your family’s probably waiting for me at the cemetery; they said they’ll be early today. He he, good thing I came here first. I can’t really talk to you there.”

I stood up and grabbed the chocolate cake, “I’ll give you a slice there. I love you!”

Anybody who could’ve passed by thought of me as crazy; talking and laughing alone. Well I don’t mind, as far as I’m concerned, I was talking to someone. J

Elai

-April 24, 2010-