These Three Days

Three days have passed—but I can still remember his face, his reaction, the way he looked at me, the way he breathed in and out heavily, the way he sighed and the way he . . . apologized and left.

***

I was sitting at a big log far from the group. I was hugging my knees while holding a cup of hot chocolate in my shaking hands. I watched as my friends play and sing around—all of them sitting in pairs, circling the bonfire.

“Ya Raewoo-ssi!” Yoojin called me and gestured me to join them.

“Ani, gwaenchanha…I, uh, I’m thinking.” I told them and Yoojin just smiled at me then she continued what she was doing before she noticed me.

Is this the right time? Would it kill me to tell him? I’m brave, I’m strong. I can do this! Hwaiting!

While I was thinking, I saw him stood up and stretch. He looked kind of bored (maybe he noticed he’s the only single person sitting ‘round the bonfire ^^), so I decided to accompany him as he walked away from the group.

“Jongmin…” I began

“Ah, Raewoo-ssi. Why are you not joining us?” he asked with a smile. I smiled back, “I don’t have a partner.” He looked at the group. “Wow, I didn’t noticed that.” He said, “I’m going for a walk. Wanna come?”

I shrugged, “Sure…”

When I was sure that we were already away from the group, my mind was screaming louder and louder; tell him! Tell him! I began to feel nervous as I noticed our silent walk—I held my cup tighter, it wasn’t that hot anymore.

As we walked, the sea breeze got colder and colder. It was like I was walking through a snow storm. I stopped walking. Jongmin stopped a few steps ahead of me.

“Ya Raewoo-ssi, gwaenchanha?” he asked worriedly.

As he neared me, I felt my heart beating so hard, so hard as though it wanted to come out of my chest; and the waves of the sea sounded like thunders in my ears. Jongmin held me by the shoulders, “Ya, gwaenchanha?” he asked again.

I took a deep breath and it’s now or never. “Jongmin-a, I… I have something to tell you” I managed to say, trying to control my shaking.

“What is it? Are you feeling alright?”

I shook my head “I-I, I…I love y-you…” I whispered, mostly to myself, his grip on my shoulders loosen then his hands fell to his sides. I felt hot tears running down my cheeks, despite the cold, my tears were hot. I thought I was going to faint when I realized that he was breathing in and out heavily, then he sighed. “J-Jongmin?”

As I raised my head to look at him, my heart—that was struggling to get out of my chest—felt as though it stopped beating when I saw the reaction on his face: ...sorry? He took two steps back then bowed his head, “Raewoo-ssi, mianhaeyo” he said quietly then left.

These three days have been a real torture. We haven’t been talking since that night, and everything wasn’t helping. It’s as if there was some cruel twist of fate that kept us forcing together; in the dining table, in the bonfire circle, even in the living room of our cottage. It was very awkward, very awkward indeed—and it was my entire fault.

Now I’m sitting inside the abandoned lifeguard house, feet dangling and a cup of hot chocolate warming my hands. Its better that I said it than at the end regret for doing nothing. I wasn’t crying anymore, which was good for my eyes had been obviously puffy since my confession. Maybe, I’m finally accepting that he’ll never feel the same for me. Just as I was about to drink my hot choco, someone called me from below.

“Ya!” he shouted, I needn’t look down because he was already climbing up.

“Jongmin-a, what are you doing here?” I asked, surprised. Why wouldn’t I be? We weren’t talking for almost three days and now he’s here, sitting comfortably beside me?! “S-shouldn’t you be in bed, asleep?” I looked at him; he looked like he just got out of bed; his hair was messy and his eyes were still half closed. As though he hadn’t heard me, he took the cup from my hands-placed it somewhere behind him-then encircled my waist. “Jongmin? Wh-What are you d-?” I wasn’t able to finish as I felt his soft lips touched my unguarded pair. I closed my eyes then opened them again, he was still there: hands around my waist, eyes closed and lips on mine. As he was stable in his position, I swung my hands around his neck and, closed my eyes and pressed forward.

He broke our kiss and his lips hovered on mine. He smiled as he said “Yummy…” and I felt my cheeks burn as I remembered I was drinking chocolate—yummy indeed.

“So” I began, despite my embarrassment, “Does this mean~”

“I love you too?” he guessed, I nodded then he smiled, “Yes…”

I pulled back a little to see his face, “Then why did you apologized?” I pouted.

He caressed my cheek, “Because I wasn’t sure if I love you too…”

“What made you realize?”

“Your absence…”

“Oh~” I smiled. He need not elaborate because I understood. Then he kissed me again.

Well, it was a good thing after all—telling him and suffering for three days. What could have been if I hadn’t told him? Ha! I don’t wanna know. All I know now is I’m happy and he’s still kissing me ^^